November 8, 2018
In my chaotic mind,
I was able to build a place I can call my utopia,
A place where I can truly call mine.
A place where I am the creator and the destroyer,
Some where with no consequences to my actions.
In this utopia I have everything I never had but always wanted.
I’m consistently happy with no contradictory thoughts haunting,
My subconscious self constantly at high vibrations.
The woman who first loved me,
Still around physically loving me.
A man who I’ve felt so distant to my whole life around showing me how to love a black woman.
A sister where I wouldn’t change because everything about her is perfect,
She’s one of the first to show me I can love a black woman so much that it in turn makes me a better man.
A brother that I wished didn’t make me feel confused on if he was playing a father figure when all I needed was an older brother.
A younger brother who looks up to me, but don’t have deepen unexpressed feelings roaring within.
It kills me seeing you and feeling like I got the better end of stick,
Wanting to give you better but confused on how deeps down gives me butterflies until my stomach feels sick.
However, in this utopia none of that matters,
Because we are still together.
Never actually separated.
I can live today and not feel like it’s a duplicate of yesterday.
Life isn’t stuck in a loop to the point everything seemed like it was on replay.